i think i've been reading too many of those modern, stick it in your head with one short burst kinds of writers lately. i noticed i've been unconsciously ending posts with one sentence standing by itself, and i'm really not that good at meaningful non-cheesy one-liners. so i'm putting myself on ending-with-one-sentence probation for a few posts. boo to one sentences!

here's a poem i wrote sometime last year. it's called A Change, which is strange, because i feel now like i did before i wrote it...i'm gonna have to come up with better titles. if it sucks, i'm sorry. schuck it long, and schuck it hard...just kidding! time to go back to my stat homework, which i can't do even though i have the solutions right in front of me. i guess i should drop my lifelong dream of becoming a statistician and stick to daydreaming about playing on a mountain with all the people who've ever meant something to me, while listening to A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton...from the Legally Blonde soundtrack! have i thoroughly disgusted you with the state of my life at this moment yet? who am i talking to? is this blogspot for me or for you two? anyways, in my head, the mountain looks like a cross between the mountain-lake in the beginning of What Dreams May Come, north Berkeley (the view driving up Euclid...and the whole area is so homey), and the mountain in The Silver Chair which Jill and Eustace find themselves on by accident and Aslan blows them off. I think it's the change in the air that's doing this to me, making me think about all these trivial things...everytime it gets warm it reminds me of the other 20 times in my life that it's gotten warm. Yes, I forgot that this post is morbid. On to the morbidity!


A Change, that's more of a creepy disconnected sigh than a change

I lost an illusion today,
A hidden one I never knew
But still I knew when it was gone.

(I think I’m clashing)
Love with the Wholes
Weep to despair and affliction of souls
Dangle from an endless rope
Be stricken by dear-held hope.

(My life comes from my heart
And who I am. – I yearn,
I long for God and valor,
I trip my way through filth and squalor.)

I believe in always
Unchanging and eternal
I believe in promise
Blood of soul, hope’s kernel
I believe in once
Dreamt before, seen tomorrow
I believe in never
Firmly planted, seed of sorrow

(My life comes from my heart
But my heart lives in a shroud -
Scared of light but not quite blind,
Meekly poking at Truth’s mind.)

I believe in deception
Search the path ever above
I believe in obstinance
Clinging to unordained love
I believe in sadness
Fall from the road, whisper a prayer
I believe in broken hope
Float endlessly through empty air

(I wish, I wish I had their love
I wish I could believe what I know
Before I unravel. – Taken apart,
My head is much closer than my heart).

But then in silence comes the stir
A whispered cry to end the night
I find belief in all things right,
Noble and true, lovely and pure.
These things were set before my start
They come on wings, invade my heart.
I float down gently to the ground
Once frozen, now with few seeds sewn,
Seeds of love to kneel around;
My God has not forgot His own.


yeah that last verse seems out of place, but what do we have besides hope?

ok i had this dream last night where i was traveling around with a bunch of my friends and at one point we were at this mall and we were throwing this football thingy around, but when i caught it it turned out to be like a barely alive cat, not like limp or anything, it was like it was stuffed, very stiff, but everytime i caught it it would start scratching and attacking me. so one of my friends was like, we gotta do something about this cat, so he stuck it in a microwave to make sure it would be dead! and he was like, i've done this before, the minimum microwave time needed is 5 minutes and 30 seconds. and i was like, oh no what if it explodes! but then i thought, silly me, it's stuffed, of course it won't explode.

well, time to go get gered up to watch mothman prophecies.

get it?? gered!