i think i'm too much of a malcontent to ever get married. it's difficult for me to lose myself in the company of another person...experiences and stuff are valuable, but it's like i take what i can from them and then withdraw into myself, or i'm thinking 'ok...what next?' not to sound callous or bored, but it's like i'm on edge, waiting for the next milestone to happen. ok, i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about.
ok, it's like this. i was talking to someone about this the other day...i was thinking about how sometimes you have special friendships with people, no matter if you haven't seen them in a long time or haven't talked or whatever (yeah yeah, i know everybody thinks about this in college). i don't mean you're the most important person in that person's life, just that you have a special connection that's different from other relationships. maybe you have just a tiny tiny piece of that person, but it's still a piece that no one else has; the most obvious examples of these relationships to me are my family and extended family. then i wondered, maybe that's what heaven is like, and why Jesus said there's no marriage in heaven, because everyone has a special unique piece of everyone else, and it's not twisted and weird cause everything's pure and our souls will be infinite; then we will know fully and be fully known. please God don't strike me down for taking that verse out of context. the point is, maybe that's the only thing that'll make me content, to construct the perfect match for myself out of little pieces of other people. alrite, it's midnite, time to put the crack pipe away.
meanwhile, i have no job. i might go apply at peet's coffee on shattuck and vine, someone told me they have an opening. what if they hire me cause my name is pete? that would be the saddest moment of my entire existence. like after i was born, i could've stuck my head up my ass and stayed like that for 21 years and still have gotten the same job.
a strange thing happened last week when i went in to 'the other change of hobbit' (a fantasy/sci-fi book store) to apply for a job. the lady at the counter looked at me and asked me what i knew about science fiction and fantasy, so i spent the next few moments trying to convince her that i was nerdier than anyone else who'd want to work there. of course, there wasn't much source material to work with...i mean, did i say moments? i meant hours!
does eric really have to sleep naked?
