i think i realized something about prayer and what it is to me, and maybe Christianity in general. i think to me, a good prayer life is something that is constantly new and original, i guess saying something in a way that i haven't said before. but then that's not the purpose of prayer, to create new mantras as if to access God. the Lord's prayer is so simple, it says nothing about the specifics of life. right after the Lord's prayer Jesus says if we don't forgive sins against us, God won't forgive our sins. i guess his point is that prayer is more for God to change our hearts. i dunno, i haven't figured this thing out yet. i can't just sit there and talk and talk and say things for an hour without feeling like i'm talking to myself or letting my mouth go on autopilot - as if the quicker words come out of my mouth, the more my heart is into it when actually it's the less my brain is into it, and i can't sit there and try to concentrate on God and empty my mind of distractions without falling asleep. i don't know...i'm tired. what should i do with my life?