from an email i wrote to a friend late last night, when i was feeling way too sentimental and melancholy:

i can't believe i have less than 5 days left in baojing. you know, i grew up in new jersey, on the east coast, and it was really hard for me to leave it go to to college in california. all my friends, my family, everyone i grew up with was in new jersey - i didn't know anybody in california. my friends and my high school girlfriend came to my house to say goodbye the morning i left, and i cried all the way to the airport.

i lived in california for 5 years, and then i came to china. when i left california, i drove my car across the country back to the east coast with my dad. i left on a breezy sunny day in late spring; again, some friends came to my apartment to see me off. i was sad about leaving, because i loved california and berkeley and my time there, but i was excited to move on to the next stage of my life too.

i came to china and i didn't know anybody. when i got off the plane in shanghai, the lady who was supposed to pick me up wasn't there, and i didn't have her phone number. i stood in the lobby like an idiot for a long time, thinking the same thought over and over again - i don't know anybody within 10,000 miles of me right now except for my family and friends in taiwan, and i don't think they'd be able to help me here. things worked out and i ended up in baojing, and now it's two years later, and i'm about to move on, and i'm sad.

when i left new jersey, i left behind my family, and my childhood, and my childhood friends, and my favorite parks, and all the little unimportant things that left such a big impression on me for whatever reason as i grew up. when i left california, i left behind the place where i learned to be independent and to be passionate and adventurous, and all the magical places and people and experiences which combined to direct my life and shape my transition from a simple child to a resident of our strange and mystical world.

and now as i leave china, i'm leaving behind an entire country and an entire culture, and a town that's unlike any place i've ever lived, and beautiful mountains, and the friends i've made. i've come to know china during the past two years - i've traveled over it, i've read about it, i've read about its history and its modern society, and i've come to know its people, from xinjiang to beijing to baojing. how can i leave behind so much? not just memories, not just magical secret places, not just precious friends, but an entire country, an entire way of life. it seems too much to thrust into a person's heart and then take away after two short years.

i know i'll come back here in the future, but even if the same people are here and even if i live here for another two years, it will be different. this part of my life is over, this stage is done, and the best i could hope for would be Baojing Part 2.

i wonder how i've changed in the past two years, from 22 to 24. i hope i've become more communicative and intuitive and relatable. after all, the differences between chinese and americans are more than just languages, and i've met many kinds of people here in china that i've never met before. i don't know if i've become wiser. i think i've become less sure of myself, which may be a good thing, because it may make me humbler and more open-minded, and may give me a proper fear and awe of things, of life, and people, and Love, and God.

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