quote number n + m from the BHOT:
jesse: squeak, squeak, pfffft...bloop
jesse: mm...heavy underwear
jesse: if anybody wants me, i'll be in the bathroom
how sad, we're moving out after this semester, which means my supply of bathroom jokes will run out, which basically means that i'll never have a humorous blogspot entry again.
i think i read somewhere that the movie my sassy girl was based on the online journal of this guy who recorded his adventures with his actual girlfriend. so maybe they should make a movie out of my blogspot, based on jesse! they can call it: my sassy girl.
Monday, November 18, 2002
Monday, November 04, 2002
talking to my jobless buddy:
me: why can't i get a stupid interview?
me: i can't believe companies are so good at weeding out morons from competent people
i guess either i got a lot dumber in the past four years, or getting a job is harder than entering college. i shouldn't have listened to all those 'practical' people who told me to just go to college and bypass entering the job hunt early, now my stock has gone down after 4 subpar years and i'll never have a chance to make the nba...
me: why can't i get a stupid interview?
me: i can't believe companies are so good at weeding out morons from competent people
i guess either i got a lot dumber in the past four years, or getting a job is harder than entering college. i shouldn't have listened to all those 'practical' people who told me to just go to college and bypass entering the job hunt early, now my stock has gone down after 4 subpar years and i'll never have a chance to make the nba...
Thursday, October 31, 2002
i guess it was bound to happen one day. i just didn't think it would be this way, so unexpected and unannounced. i mean, no matter how much you brace yourself, the shock rips through any pathetic attempts at preparation. come on, who knew? i thought i would've been the one in the shower and he would've been on the toilet...
0.437 seconds after i opened the bathroom door, jesse opened the shower curtain.
he wanted to shower and i needed to take a dump. it was the first time our age-old roles had been reversed. oh, mine eyes.
verse of the day:
My eyes...flow unceasingly, without relief...
Lamentations 3:48
0.437 seconds after i opened the bathroom door, jesse opened the shower curtain.
he wanted to shower and i needed to take a dump. it was the first time our age-old roles had been reversed. oh, mine eyes.
verse of the day:
My eyes...flow unceasingly, without relief...
Lamentations 3:48
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
there was something wrong with my template or something so i couldn't post for awhile. but now it's fixed so i can resume frequently posting...............................
..............
..............
i seriously can't wait for the nba season to start. yay nets!
if the warriors win 32 games or less, eric's treating me to the house of prime rib. i wonder if they take 8 month reservations.
God, i can't think seriously while listening to sun yan zi sing about love through email, or something to do with cyber love and electronics. be back later.
..............
..............
i seriously can't wait for the nba season to start. yay nets!
if the warriors win 32 games or less, eric's treating me to the house of prime rib. i wonder if they take 8 month reservations.
God, i can't think seriously while listening to sun yan zi sing about love through email, or something to do with cyber love and electronics. be back later.
Thursday, September 19, 2002
proverb of the day:
'A fool's lips bring him strife,
and his mouth invites a beating.'
Proverbs 18:6
i saw 'my sassy girl' last nite, and i'm still thinking about it. i don't even know the name of the girl main character in the movie, and i don't remember how to say the name of the guy main character, so i can't even think about it properly. you know, like when you dwell on something, the labels run through your mind, for example if you're dwelling (different than reflecting or thinking, closer to daydreaming) on the Little Mermaid, the words ariel and prince eric will flash through your head several times, probably unconsciously. anyways, so the only thing that can flash through my head is the stupid name of the movie, my sassy girl. the effect of the movie is so great that the title has even started to sound romantic to me.
i would continue, but it's only 3 pm right now, which means the hour for pointless pontification is over 9 hours away.
'A fool's lips bring him strife,
and his mouth invites a beating.'
Proverbs 18:6
i saw 'my sassy girl' last nite, and i'm still thinking about it. i don't even know the name of the girl main character in the movie, and i don't remember how to say the name of the guy main character, so i can't even think about it properly. you know, like when you dwell on something, the labels run through your mind, for example if you're dwelling (different than reflecting or thinking, closer to daydreaming) on the Little Mermaid, the words ariel and prince eric will flash through your head several times, probably unconsciously. anyways, so the only thing that can flash through my head is the stupid name of the movie, my sassy girl. the effect of the movie is so great that the title has even started to sound romantic to me.
i would continue, but it's only 3 pm right now, which means the hour for pointless pontification is over 9 hours away.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
i am so old.
people keep asking me if i'm a freshman. are you blind? can't you see the years of tragedy seared into my eyes?
anyways, i flew back to the east coast last week for my cousin's wedding in ny. my flight back was really early in the morning; i stayed up all nite before it so i was really tired on the plane. i fell asleep right away when i sat down and started dreaming that i was in a car, and in my dream i wanted to sleep, so i put my elbow up on the door to lean my head on my arm, and then the little vietnamese lady next to me yelled 'HEY!' cause i was digging my elbow into her neck. i woke up and looked over and mumbled something like 'oh sorry, i'm in a car' and fell back asleep till we landed.
travelling between the coasts always makes me sad, i always forget how pretty and tranquil holmdel is and how nice it is to see my parents and my friends and the funny stories bing has about doctors rubbing his scrotum with pimple cream (didn't actually happen).
alrite that's it for now. too much punk rock, brain rotting...
people keep asking me if i'm a freshman. are you blind? can't you see the years of tragedy seared into my eyes?
anyways, i flew back to the east coast last week for my cousin's wedding in ny. my flight back was really early in the morning; i stayed up all nite before it so i was really tired on the plane. i fell asleep right away when i sat down and started dreaming that i was in a car, and in my dream i wanted to sleep, so i put my elbow up on the door to lean my head on my arm, and then the little vietnamese lady next to me yelled 'HEY!' cause i was digging my elbow into her neck. i woke up and looked over and mumbled something like 'oh sorry, i'm in a car' and fell back asleep till we landed.
travelling between the coasts always makes me sad, i always forget how pretty and tranquil holmdel is and how nice it is to see my parents and my friends and the funny stories bing has about doctors rubbing his scrotum with pimple cream (didn't actually happen).
alrite that's it for now. too much punk rock, brain rotting...
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
allright, here's a story that happened today (i think living with jesse has completely destroyed any concern for my personal dignity that i might have had):
so i've been looking for a job for the past couple weeks while i've been kinda bumming around; i've applied to a thousand places so it's kinda hard to keep track of all of them, especially cause they never call me back. um anyways, so i was hanging out with this guy this morning and when i was driving back to my apartment i realized i really had to take a dump. thoughts are in italics.
pete, driving home: wow it's a beautiful day, nice and sunny and br - oh no i really have to take a dump!
when i walked in to my apartment my roommate was in the shower so i daintily waddled around until he got out and then i rushed in. near the end of the ordeal, the phone rang.
dave: hello?
pete: oh God, don't be for me
dave: lemme check if he's available...hey pete, can you take the phone? i'm on the cordless
pete: ummmmm
dave: it's a lady who sounds kinda professional
pete: alrite, can you hand it to me? i'll open the door a bit
dave: ok here's the pho - OH MY GOD IT STINKS!!
pete: hello?
lady: .......
pete: uh, hello?
lady: hi, i'm from the princeton review, we received your application to be a tutor
pete: ok, slowly pull the toilet paper roll, don't let it squeak... right, i remember sending that in
lady: so we were wondering if you are still interested in a position
pete: softly, softly...you're a smooth daddy pete... actually i'm waiting to hear from a couple other interviews, could i call you back next week?
lady: sure
pete: thank you
lady: great
pete: yup
lady: ok then
pete: right
lady: goodbye!
pete: goodbye!
FLUSH
FIN
hm, i'm realizing that a lot of my blog entries center around the bathroom and the toilet. let me analyze myself and decipher the hidden meaning...it means pete, you're lonely and going crazy. look at this, you're even talking to yourself as if you are actually talking to yourself, as if it's an original device that wasn't already used by dave eggers in A Heartbreaking Work. alright, enough of trying to be clever beyond my abilities. here is a translated waka from eleventh century Japan, a sort of extended haiku, which i will quote as if i had it in mind all along, even though i just randomly flipped open a book and saw it on a page:
A thousand strands of black hair, tangled hair - like them my thoughts, tangling and entangled
yeah...following one strand of thought hair...what if the nets get swept tomorrow?? i wonder who my Most Hated Laker will be next year. this is how it's been the past three years, ever since they officially sold their collective soul to satan during the fourth quarter of game 7 of the semifinals against the blazers:
1999-2000: brian shaw
2000-2001: rick fox
2001-2002: derek fisher
but this year rick fox is making a strong bid for the post-season MHL, what a guy. EXACTLY, rick, EXACTLY.
i spent some time with tuma this week. being around him makes me feel so christian and unchristian at the same time; it's like hanging out with him points out the own insincerity of my christian walk, but at the same time the honest acknowledgement of certain things is already a step towards holiness. i had such a hard time coming up with an answer to his question "how is God shaping you through your reading of the bible?", i didn't know if i was trying to answer the question or if i was trying to come up with an answer to get out from under the microscope.
he said that a believer's post-conversion experience will not necessarily be different than his pre-conversion experience, to contradict my assumption that the regeneration of a man's spirit will be a radical thing, a definite change in his consciousness. but he said that that doesn't have to be the case at all, that anything in your experience is just that, empirical, feelings-based. the change comes from us trusting God's promises, obeying His commands, and watching His promises be fulfilled in our lives, rather than searching ourselves trying to find traces of Him...
God's promises, and God's commands, work hand in hand to establish God's name throughout the earth...and not for our detriment, but for our good. you heard it here first! the new and improved tuma's creed =)
so i've been looking for a job for the past couple weeks while i've been kinda bumming around; i've applied to a thousand places so it's kinda hard to keep track of all of them, especially cause they never call me back. um anyways, so i was hanging out with this guy this morning and when i was driving back to my apartment i realized i really had to take a dump. thoughts are in italics.
pete, driving home: wow it's a beautiful day, nice and sunny and br - oh no i really have to take a dump!
when i walked in to my apartment my roommate was in the shower so i daintily waddled around until he got out and then i rushed in. near the end of the ordeal, the phone rang.
dave: hello?
pete: oh God, don't be for me
dave: lemme check if he's available...hey pete, can you take the phone? i'm on the cordless
pete: ummmmm
dave: it's a lady who sounds kinda professional
pete: alrite, can you hand it to me? i'll open the door a bit
dave: ok here's the pho - OH MY GOD IT STINKS!!
pete: hello?
lady: .......
pete: uh, hello?
lady: hi, i'm from the princeton review, we received your application to be a tutor
pete: ok, slowly pull the toilet paper roll, don't let it squeak... right, i remember sending that in
lady: so we were wondering if you are still interested in a position
pete: softly, softly...you're a smooth daddy pete... actually i'm waiting to hear from a couple other interviews, could i call you back next week?
lady: sure
pete: thank you
lady: great
pete: yup
lady: ok then
pete: right
lady: goodbye!
pete: goodbye!
FLUSH
FIN
hm, i'm realizing that a lot of my blog entries center around the bathroom and the toilet. let me analyze myself and decipher the hidden meaning...it means pete, you're lonely and going crazy. look at this, you're even talking to yourself as if you are actually talking to yourself, as if it's an original device that wasn't already used by dave eggers in A Heartbreaking Work. alright, enough of trying to be clever beyond my abilities. here is a translated waka from eleventh century Japan, a sort of extended haiku, which i will quote as if i had it in mind all along, even though i just randomly flipped open a book and saw it on a page:
A thousand strands of black hair, tangled hair - like them my thoughts, tangling and entangled
yeah...following one strand of thought hair...what if the nets get swept tomorrow?? i wonder who my Most Hated Laker will be next year. this is how it's been the past three years, ever since they officially sold their collective soul to satan during the fourth quarter of game 7 of the semifinals against the blazers:
1999-2000: brian shaw
2000-2001: rick fox
2001-2002: derek fisher
but this year rick fox is making a strong bid for the post-season MHL, what a guy. EXACTLY, rick, EXACTLY.
i spent some time with tuma this week. being around him makes me feel so christian and unchristian at the same time; it's like hanging out with him points out the own insincerity of my christian walk, but at the same time the honest acknowledgement of certain things is already a step towards holiness. i had such a hard time coming up with an answer to his question "how is God shaping you through your reading of the bible?", i didn't know if i was trying to answer the question or if i was trying to come up with an answer to get out from under the microscope.
he said that a believer's post-conversion experience will not necessarily be different than his pre-conversion experience, to contradict my assumption that the regeneration of a man's spirit will be a radical thing, a definite change in his consciousness. but he said that that doesn't have to be the case at all, that anything in your experience is just that, empirical, feelings-based. the change comes from us trusting God's promises, obeying His commands, and watching His promises be fulfilled in our lives, rather than searching ourselves trying to find traces of Him...
God's promises, and God's commands, work hand in hand to establish God's name throughout the earth...and not for our detriment, but for our good. you heard it here first! the new and improved tuma's creed =)
Monday, April 29, 2002
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